A Cue From The Rest
by ms.j
Summary: It's R for some of the language, there's no blood or gore or sex so . . .
1. Cue As One

Quick note from the Ms. J, you know I didn't make these characters and I don't know them. 

A Cue Taken From the You'll Never Hear Them Say deals: 

(We see a rather heated argument going here . . . ) 

Heero: What!?! Take another mission, no way! I'm going to the beach. 

Dr. J: You're taking the mission whether you like it or not. 

Heero: Am not. 

Dr J: Are too Heero: (Growls) Am. Not. 

Dr. J: (Growls back) Are. Too. 

Heero: A-m n-o-t. 

Dr. J: A-r-e t-o-o. 

Heero: AM NOT! 

Dr. J; ARE TOO ! 

Heero: (Dares) Make me. 

(He grabs the boy by his shirt collar and puts him in a headlock.) Dr. J: Say uncle! Say uncle! 

Heero: OK, OK, UNCLE! 

(Another day comes) 

Heero: (Throws a temper tantrum like a four-year-old) I DON'T WANNA GO! I DON'T WANNA GO! 

*** 

Trowa: Hey, Duo, do you hear something? 

Duo: Hear what? 

(A strange humming is coming from another room. The two boys busted through the door of the kitchen only to find . . .) 

Wufei: Hey guys! Chocolate cake anyone? 

(They promptly shut the door, trying to forget the forget the sight they just saw.) 

Trowa: (Paling) Pink. Apron. (He screams) Aiieeeeeee! 

Duo: (Laughs nervously) H-hey man, I saw it too. (Voices crackles) I can't believe he was-he was baking! 

*** 

Catherine: That Trowa, all day is yap-yap-yap-yap-yap-yap! Man, why can't he be a little more quiet like that Duo kid. 

(One day we hear Quatre speaking to his fellow pilots . . .) 

Quatre: You know, I hate you people. 

Out of all the people I could've worked with it had to be your four losers. 

I mean, Duo's, you an idiot, Heero, why don't you get the stick out of his ass, and if I have to listen to you. Wufei, go on about justice I'm gonna tell you to shove it! And you, (points at Trowa) say something dammit! (Storms off) Screw being cheerful, I hate my life! (He buries his head in his hands crying.) 

(We can see Relena and some sexy guy with a heavenly body standing in front of Heero.) 

Relena: Look Heero, it's been fun, but the 'come back and kill me' thing gets kinda old. 

(We can all see a tear in Heero's eye.) 

*** 

(We can see Noin, Sally, Relena, and Lady Une sitting at a café discussing something deeply.) 

Noin: And then he decides to listen to me! Une: Man, men can be sooooo oblivious. 

Relena: So stupid is more like it. Here I am, willingly standing so he can kill me and then he backs off. (The other snap their fingers in agreement.) 

Sally: Girl I know! Wufei will not listen to me, if it's Natuka, it's justice and justice that. 

(She whimpers) What about my needs! (The other two start comforting their friend.) 

Relena: You know, why do even care about these men? I'm an independence woman thank you. 

Who needs them? (They all agree with her.) 

Noin: Preach on girl, Guys are such jerks. 

Une: I say we form a support group! 

Three other three: YEAH!!! 

Sally: Come on! I know where we can get ice-cream and make-overs! 

Others: Alright! 

(Suddenly they all begin to sing every song off the Waiting to Exhale Soundtrack . . .) 


	2. Cue No. Two

A Cue Taken: The Return . . . It comes back to haunt you. 

Duo: Hey, who's copy of Woman's Day is this? 

Heero: Not mine. 

Quatre: Nothing I'll ever read. 

Trowa: (Cocks in eyebrow) Yeah right. 

(All eyes fall on Wufei.) 

Wufei: Don't look at me, DON'T LOOK AT ME! (He runs out of the room crying.) 

Duo: (Confused) I only wanted to borrow it. 

*** 

Some Battles Even A Gundam Can't Face: 

(Relena waltzing wearing a really nice dress.) 

Relena: Heero, does this make me look fat?" 

(He chokes.) 

Heero: Ummm . . . 

** 

(We can Lady Une trying to talk to Treize who reading a book.) 

Une: Are you listening to me? 

Treize: Huh? 

Une: (Explodes) SEE! YOU'RE DOING IT AGAIN! 

Treize: (Confused) Doing what? 

Une: You DON'T listen to me!!! 

Treize: (Realizes) Oh, were you talking to me? 

(She storms out.) 

** 

(We can see Noin and Zechs talking, if you can it that.) 

Noin: But-but I thought you said you liked my mother? 

Zechs: Yeahhh . . . that's it. I never said I hated her. 

(Noin suddenly hurls a vase at him.) 

*** 

(Catherine and Trowa are chilling in the touch one day watching t.v.) 

Catherine: (Real serious like) Trowa, I think we really need to talk. 

Trowa: Talk? (Swallows uneasily) Sure . . . Right after the game . . . . 

(Catherine looks peeved.) 

** 

(A heated argument can be seen in the distance, Hilde yelling at a rather large, muscular man.) Hilde: (Appalled) You cut in front of me!?! Hey, my boyfriend can kick your butt for that one! Right Duo? 

(She is met with no response.) 

Duo? 

(We can only see Duo running down the street.) 

Duo: He runs, he hides, and he sure as hell can't fight. 

*** 

Dorothy: Hey Quatre, can I borrow some money? 

(Takes his whole wallet and walks out.) 

Thanks, you're soooo sweet. 

Quatre: But-but I didn't even say anything . . . 

*** 

(Wufei and Sally are standing around in a kitchen somewhere.) 

Sally: You expect me to cook? 

(Suddenly she laughs in his face.) 

*** (On a random battlefield somewhere we can see the fabulous five in their Gundams, standing around as various carnage and metal flies.) 

Trowa: So . . . 

Wufei: Soooo . . . 

Quatre: Umm . . . aren't we suppose to be, like, doing something? 

(Relena comes on the view monitor.) 

Relena: (Irritated.) Hello! You're suppose to be-like, I don't know-PROTECTING us or something! 

Heero: (Hits him.) Oh *that's right.* We suppose to be fighting guys. 

Duo: They expect us to fight? 

(They exchange glances and all share a laugh.) 

Heero: (Grows serious) Really, Relena, what are we suppose to do again? 

(She screams and starts tearing her hair out.) 

Wufei: Man, what's *her* problem? 

Trowa: PMS. 

Other four: Oh yeah. *** 


	3. Cue Numero Three

A Cue Taken The Finale . . . 

the extended version. 

The third and last posting of my oddly successful "A Cue"s. 

(Brave the bad, tasteless humor to give me a decent review.) 

(We can see two boys sneaking around a store of some kind when they suddenly run into each other.) 

Both: GAH! 

(We come to see it our two favorite friends, Heero Yuy and Wufei Chang.) 

Heero: (Visible shocked) Wufei? 

Wufei: (Really shunned.) Heero? 

Heero: What are you doing here? 

Wufei: (Cocks in eyebrow) Maybe *I* shouldn't be the only one answering questions. 

What's in the bag? 

(He quickly hides it behind his back.) 

Heero: Ohhh nothing . . . (Then with suspicion) What's behind yours? 

Wufei: Umm, something not important. 

Heero: So then you know. (Eyes narrow.) 

Wufei: Yeah well, *you* know about me. 

Heero: Hmmmm . . . Good point. 

Wufei: (Suddenly says) You never saw me and we've never met. 

Heero: Agreed. 

Wufei. (Pause.) Wait-you wouldn't tell . . . would you? 

Heero: Would you? 

(He considers this as they separate, they walk away s-l-o-w-l-y. We come to find that the boys were actually at a Pokemón trading card store.) 

[Author's note: Die Pokemón, die!] 

***** (After much procrastination and doubt, Heero finally decides to kill Relena.) 

Relena: (All perky like) Hi Heero! 

(He puts a bullet in her and she falls dead.) 

Duo: (Runs out of nowhere.) OHMIGOD! HE KILLED RELENA! 

Quatre: (Screams) You bastard!!! 

***** 

(After self-destruction, we can see Heero just lying whimpering) 

Heero: (In a tiny voice, like from the "The Fly.") Help me. Help meeeee. 

***** 

(While the fab five are walking one day a stray dog runs up to Wufei.) 

Wufei: (In a high-pitched) AWWWWWWWWW, look at the cute puppy-wuppy! 

(The other four stop and give him a weird look.) 

Ummm . . . I mean, scam you little weakling! 

***** 

Jobs They Could Never Have. 

Heero: Motivational speaker 

Heero: (Walks out to the platform and begins speaking in his cold monotone.) 

If you life sucked before we got here, then maybe you just wasted your money listening to me tell 

you it sucks again. Maybe you should at on those suicidal tendencies, you're worthless anyway. Why should I be wasting my time? 

Do you people actually expect me to be "happy?" 

I think you should read the fine print next time cause this is non-refundable. 

If you need it for drugs and booze, you might as well rob the convenience store down the street. 

The idea that I'm suppose to motivate you doesn't exactly brighten my day. 

(The audience exchange confused glances as this deadly quiet hangs in the air. Their "motivation speaker" walks off.) 

*** 

Wufei: RN in a maternity ward 

(In a deliver room in a hospital somewhere all we can hear is yelling) 

Wufei: Push, *push* you infantum woman! Just like one to take her time! 

Lady: (Grinding her teeth cause of the pain.) Infantum! I'll SHOW YOU INFANTUM! 

(Grabbing the boy by his short ponytail, she does things to him that are too brutish to describe.) 

Doctor: (Walks in and sees.) Nurse, how is the-whoa. (Motions for assistant.) Nasty sight there. 

Umm nurse, get that kid some pain killers and a neck brace-looks like he's gonna need it. 

*** 

Trowa: Therapist 

(A rather talktive patient is going on and on and on about their life, while Trowa Barton PhD is trying to stay awake.) 

Patient: . . . So that's basically it doc, what do you think? 

(No respone.) 

Patient: Helllloo, are you there? 

(Trowa nly cocks an eyebrow at the patient. 

The patient suddenly screams madly tearing out all of his hair, runs the closest window and jumps out.) 

Patient: ARE LISTENING TO ME! I'M TALKING TO MYSELF AGAIN! 

(Trowa blinks, grabs his pad, and calmly writes down.) 

Trowa: Patient still remains unresponsive. 

***** 

You Really Gotta Wonder When . . . 

1.When you see Heero-actually happy. Like perky happy. Like *high* happy. 

2.The day Trowa starts rambling on and on and on and on . . . 

3.When Duo just sits there, sitting there staring ahead, saying nothing. When given food, he screams "Get it away from me!" 

4.The day Quatre actually doesn't apologize for anyhting and tells everyone to "shove it!" (Gasp! Shock!) 

5.When Wufei runs out of women insults, stops talking about justice, and asks "Who in the hell is Natuka?" 

6.When asked about Treize, Une blinks and asks, "Why would I need him? That jerk." 

7.Dorothy promptly states, "War is sooooo stupid. *I like peace* thank you." 

8.Relena wonders to herself, "Heero? Heero who? Who's that guy?" 

9.The day Treize actually makes sense. 

10.Noin starts yelling at Zechs to "take it off, take it all off!" 

11.Zechs slaps a barber and whines like Marcia Bradey, "Cut my hair?!!" 

***** 

The Children of Gundam Wing 

Relena & Heero's daughter: "I am the Perfect Student, I will eliminate all homework before me." 

The son of Sally & Wufei: "No weak woman should be babysitting me!" 

Catherine & Trowa's kid: " . . . . ." 

Dorothy & Quatre's son: "Man, I'm grounded from my Gundam again!" 

Dou & Hilde's child: "Awww man! Homework is sooooo uncool." 

(And the last deal) The Wedding of Heero & Relena [Highlights] 

* The bride walking down the aisle and the four other guys busting into tears. 

* The bride ripping out a beam canon and taken an objectors to her and gettin' married. 

* The groom daring any guy to get near his woman's girdle. 

* The cat fight between Une, Noin, Hilde, and Sally for the bouquet. 


	4. Cue Rise From the Deep

A Cue Numero Four- Rise From the Deep 

Since I'm in the business of making people happy, I'm giving you yet another "A Cue ~ " 

Enjoy or die! (j/K) Oh, and the Katrina Nyle stuff is coming so just wait like good lil boyz and gurls. :) 

***** You Thought it could never happen, you thought even t-h-e-y were safe, you never even imagined it . . . 

The people of GW find themselves out of work and in need of money. Their solution: Join the teen band explosion. 

Gundam Wing Boys become - (gasp!) The Neo Backstreet Boys 

Relena, Dorothy, Une, Noin, and Sally decide to form the Spice Girls- The Next Generation. 

Author's note: Ooh, cringe, cringe. I don't like teen bands. 

***** Why Owning A Gundam Is Better Than Having a Car: 

Chicks dig the Gundam. 

No cop in their ever-loving mind would pull you over. 

You don't need a stinking license. 

Car jackers are nooo problem . . . and if they are let them find out about the self-destruct button. 

You can blow away everybody's sound system-literally! That's what the beam canons are for! 

***** 

Childhood Memories (Well, if they had them.) 

Heero's : 

Mom: Heero, stop hacking your father's computer or you're grounded! 

Heero: (Grudgily) Yes ma'am. 

Mom: And no beam canon in the house young man! 

** 

Quatre's : 

Mom: I-r-i-a, are you playing dressing up with your brother again? 

Iria: (Nervous) Ummmmm . . . 

(We see Quatre tied and gagged in a small chair, covered in make-up wearing a dress and heels.) 

Quatre: (Tries talking) Mmmmmpt! MmmmmpT! Mmmmmmpt! 

** 

Trowa's: 

Mom: Trowa Barton, What did I tell you about bringing those animals the the house!?! 

Trowa: (Holds up a baby lion) Awwww mom, can I keep him? 

Dad: Now son, do you remeber what we said about the squirrel? 

Trowa: That it should be we it belongs yeah, yeah. I'll put him back. 

** 

Kid: Teacher, Duo ate up all the cookies again! 

(We see an empty plate by him and crumbs all around his mouth.) 

Duo: (Can't talk cause motuh is full but attempts making noises.) Mmmm mmm mmm mmmm. 

Teacher: Duo Maxwell, that menas the corner you! 

Duo: (Manages to speak) Awww man, the corner is soooo uncool. 

** 

Wufei's: 

Kid: Hey Wufei, wanna play house with us? 

Wufie: (Brushing them off) Playing house is for weakings. 

Kid: Umm, ok, what about kickball? 

Wufie: (Somberly to self) I am soo unworthy of playing kickball with them, Natuka. 

***** 

Family Guys . . . Gundam Wing Style 

Going to a Parent-Teacher Conference 

"Mr. Maxwell, were worried that your son here is being into a little too much trouble here. 

We're giving him detention for the prank he played on his teachers." 

"Detention! Aww man, that's sooooo uncool!" 

"Umm, sir, aren't you gonna discipline him?" 

"Er-no." (Sees cookies.) Hey, are you gonna eat those? 

The teacher shakes her head. 

Meeting Your Daughter's Date 

Heero is talking to a boy outside. 

"So you're taking Helena out eh?" 

"Yes sir, she's a very nice person." 

He rips out a beam canon and random blows up somebody's car. 

"Ten o'clock curfew, bring her home . . . Or else." 

The date gulpes, cowering in pure fear. 

Teaching Them Lessons 

Wufei's son walks in sporting a black eye, a cut lip, and a broken jaw. 

"Dad, I got into a fight today." 

Wufei jumps up from reading his papaer, "What! You let some weaking beat you up?" 

"Weaking! Dad, this kid failed the fifth grade five times!" 

"No son of mine will lose to a enemy that's weak." 

Wufei promptly opens the door. "Get out there and show them you will not take this injustice!" 

The boy mumbles, "She's still out there dad." 

"WHAT?!?" 

Family Vacation 

(Quatre, Dorothy, and their three kids are piled up in a mini-van headed to Disney World. 

They've been it in for three hours straight, listening to the kids are fighting and throwing things and complaing continuously. 

They're on the edge by now.) One of them start whining: "Are we there yet?" 

Dorothy is peeved "NO, honey we're not. Only a f-e-w more hours." 

"I need to go to the bathroom, I need to go really bad!" 

"I knew McDonald's was a bad idea." she curses under her breath. 

"OWWW, mom, he's hitting me again!" 

"No I'm not!" 

"Yes, you are!" 

"Stop looking at me!" 

"I'm not looking at you, ugly!" 

"MOM, he's calling me names again!" 

"Shut up stupid!" 

Dorothy hangs her head down. Quatre, on the other hand, pulls the car over and goes off. 

"THAT'S IT! IF YOU KIDS DON'T STOP ACTING UP, I'M GONNA SELF-DESTRUCT AND BLOW THIS CAR UP!" 

"Quatre, I think we're lost." 

"Dorothy, We ARE NOT lost!" 

"Surrrrreeeeeee. You couldn't just gotten a map like I aksed to you too, but noooooo . . ." 

Career Day 

(Various children are talking about their parents' occupations . . .) 

"My mom stays at home." 

"My dad is a doctor and save many people every day." 

"My mom is a CEO of a really big office building." 

(Then suddenly) 

"My mom's the Queen of the world." 

"Well, my dad runs OZ and likes roses." 

"Well my dad gets to blow stuff up every day and can take out a colony!" 

"My dad says you weakings should shut up and like his job." 

"Wow my dad doesn't say anything." Then she adds, "But he do some wicked backflips!" 

***** 

(The guys are all flying around trying to get in contact with each other.) 

Duo: Hey man what ya' doing? 

Heero: Nothing, flying the Wing Zero, drinking a Bud. (Wufei comes on the view monitor.) 

Wufei: Whasssupppppp. 

Heero: Whasssssssuuuuup! 

Wufie: (Sees Duo there.) Whhasssssuuupppppppppp! 

Duo: Whazzzzupppp! (Duo's view monitor comes up.) 

Trowa: Hey man, Quatre there? 

Duo; Yeah man- (Gets Quatre.) 

Quatre: Whasssssssuppppp. 

Trowa: WWWHAZZZZZZZUUUPPPPPPPPPP. 

Duo: (Jumps in) WHHHAZZZZUPPPPP. 

(Then all five of them together.) 

All Five: WWWWWWWHHHHHHAZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZUUUUUUUUUUPPPPPPPPPPPPP!!! 

(Another a beat.) 

Trowa: Hey man, what you doing? 

Quatre: Nothing man, flying Sandrock, drinking a Bud. 

***** 


	5. Cue Five- The Fifth Hath Cometh

***** 

A Cue From The Rest, The 5th That Hath Cometh! Well, here again for a fifth time . . . A Cue . . . Enjoy . . . And don't bring down my self-esteem. I'm still hurting over Blaque Kat-nobody likes my story ;(. With more clichés, tasteless humor, and insanity-all for you. 

***** 

(After receiving a cute lil' cuddy teddy bear , Relena looks out the plane at calls after Heero.) 

Relena: HEEEEERRROOOOOOOO! 

(He stops then turns around.) 

Relena: (Sweetly) Thank you. 

Heero: (Shrugs.) Whatever. 

Relena: (Tone turns real suggestive.) Noooooo . . . let me *THANK YOU.* 

(Realizing that she's looking at him like she's about to devour a piece of meat, he freaks out and runs off . . . But he isn't the only one running. . . .) 

Heero: (Look backs and sees she's catching up with him.) GAHHHHHHHHHH RELENA! (Runs faster.) 

Relena: (Yelling as she chases) Why won't you let me thank you!?! 

Heero: (Screams back) I'M THANKED! I'M THANKED! 

(He tries to fly off in Wing Zero, only to find . . .) 

Heero: (Being followed in another airplane by Relena) AIEEEEEEEEE! 

***** 

(The five pilots watching Libra explode.) 

Five pilots: (really, REALLY amazed) OOOOHHHHHHHH . . . . AAHHHHHHHHHH . . . OHHHHHHHHH! . . . . P-R-E-T-T-Y . . . . 

***** 

(We can hear Trowa, Quatre, and Duo fighting over something very strange-the self destruction button.) 

Trowa: I wanna press the button! 

Quatre: NO, I wanna press the BUTTON! 

Duo: You don't press the button, I PRESS THE BUTTON! 

(All three hit their respective buttons at the same time while their two living counterparts are watching.) 

Heero: (In his usual monotone) Wow . . . . Big pretty explosions. 

Wufei: (Impressed like hell.) They go BOOM! 

****** 

(On another random battlefield somewhere . . .) 

Zechz: Anything you can do, I can do better! 

Treize: No you can't! 

Zechz: YES I CAN! 

(Noin and Une looking on, shaking their heads.) 

Une: Men . . . 

Noin: Yeahhhh . . . men. 

****** (In another meeting of the Unified Earth Nations-or whatever they call it there are sooo many, a world leader runs in and falls at the all-mighty, influential, good Vice Minister Relena Dorian. He falls at her feet begging.) 

World Leader: (Desperate) Vice Minister Dorian! Vice Minister Dorian! The very foundations of peace are being threatened! We need your guidance! 

(She only looks at him.) 

Relena: (Drawing a blank) And I'm suppose to do what . . . . ? 

****** (After his MS blows up therefore him, we hear the last words of late great General Treize as they were spoken . . . .) 

Treize: And I would've gotten away with it if it wasn't for those darn meddling kids . . . 

***** 

Pick-Up Lines . . . If They Were Forced to Use Them. 

Wufei: "It would be an injustice if I never dated you." "No weak woman is worthy of dating me-except you girl." 

Heero: "Baby, I'm a lover, not a fighter." "You're the only girl worth killing." 

Duo: "That'll be sooo uncool if I never got with you." "I only self-destruct for you." 

Trowa: "Girl, if I can only talk to you." 

Quatre: "Girl, I can put clothes on your back, shoes on your feet, and 40 guys to do it all for me." "I'm not crazy about the colonies, I'm just crazy about you." ***** 

(A really pissed off Hilde storms outside of her apartment. Duo follows with a bunch of hickeys covering his neck, his priest collar messed-up, and lime green lipstick everywhere on his face. He tries in a poor attempt to explain . . .) 

Duo: (Looking bad) I SWEAR, I wasn't kissing Katrina, I was giving her CPR! 

(Hilde's answer: She starts trashing the Death Scythe.) 

Duo: NOOOOOOOO! NOT THE DEATH SCYTHEEEE! ANYTHING BUT THAT! 

(Briefly she pauses for a moment, wide-eyed and looking mean.) 

Hilde: (Cynically) Oh don't look at it as me *trashing it* . . . I'M GIVING IT CPR! 

(Continues reign of terror.) 

****** 

Musical Taste I. (If the G-Boyz were into my music.) 

Quatre: (Singing while in Sandrock.) Ya' go make me lose my mind . . . Up in here . . . up in here . . . Ya' go make me go all out . . . Up in here . . .up in here . . . One . . . two . . . meet me outside! 

****** 

Movie Night 

Gone With The Wind . . . Heero and Relena and Hilde 

Heero: (As Rhett Bulter) Frankly my dear I don't give a damn. 

Relena: (As Scarlet) Ummmmm, Hee-Rhett, you never did. Heero: (Confused) Huh? (Hits him) Ohhhhhh yeahhhhhh, I never did. 

(Later on after Rhett leaves) 

Relena: As God as my witness I will have Hee-Rhett! 

Hilde: (As the maid, doubtful) Yeahhhhh . . . sureeeeee . . . righthhhhhh . . . 

*** 

Casablanca . . . Trowa and Catherine 

Trowa: (Starts the imfamous monolgue) In this big, crazy wide world . . . 

Catherine: (Stops him) Heeeeeellllllloooooo, one sentence please. 

Trowa: (Annoyed) Alright, alright! Here's looking at you kid! 

Catherine: You mean with that bang? 

(She recieves a dirty look.) 

*** 

The Nutty Professor . . . Quatre and Dorothy 

Dorothy: (Watching Quatre) Awwwww, Hercules! Hercules! Hercules! 

Quatre: (Jumping around) I'M A PONY! I'M A PONY! 

*** 

Titanic . . . Duo, Sally, and Wufei. 

Duo: (In the world famous standing on the ship's stern scene) Hey Sal-Rose . . . I'm the King of the World! 

(Out of nowhere a beam canon takes him out and he falls into the water dead.) 

Sally: (Running to the ship's side, concern) Duo!?! 

Wufei: (Meanly) Now you're not . . . *Jack*. (Evil laughter follows) BUWHAHAHHAHA! 

*** 

Star Wars . . . Treize, Zechz, Noin, and Une 

Treize: (To Zechz in the Vander voice) Luke, I am your father . . . (Normal voice) Oops, *wrong* kid. 

Zechz. (Wondering) Who the hell is Luke? 

Noin: (Talking in his head as the Jedi trainer would do) It's you Blonde Boy! 

Zechz: Whoa, really? Coollll . . . 

Noin: (Demanding) Use "The Force" stupid! 

Zechz: (Questioning) What is this "force" you speak of? 

(Noin smacks self in the head.) Oh I give up! 

Treize: (To Une as Princess Leila, giggling) You look so f-u-n-n-y like that. 

(She goes to work on him with her light saber.) 

Une: Hey, don't mess with the hair. 


	6. The Cue To Do As Number Six

  
A Cue That Will Do As No. 6  
  
She's doing again, she's making another Cue . . .  
Will the insanity last? Will she outdo herself? Will angry torch-carrying mobs come for her?  
Or will somebody please get her committed? This female is talking to herself again . . . .  
  
*****  
  
(We can see Relena doing one of her melodramatic, kill-me-now-Heero bits)  
  
Relena: (in a overly dramatic tone)   
I don't care if you do shoot me; Kill me now, Heero, let me die!  
  
(He shrugs.)  
  
Heero: (Nonchalantly) Ok.  
  
(Takes a gun and shoots her.)   
  
Relena: (Really peeved) I DIDN'T SAY DO IT FOR REAL!  
  
*****  
  
(While doing their act, Catherine misses and accidently hits Trowa with the knife.)  
  
Catherine: (Shocked & scared) Ohmigod! Did I hit you? Are you hurt?  
  
Trowa: OUCH! THAT WAS MY FREAKIN' EYE!  
  
*****  
  
(Pilots 3 and 4 are in space. Trowa flying around when suddenly there's this big pretty explosion.)  
  
Trowa: (Shocked) What the fu- . . . wait a minute.   
  
(Trowa comes on the view monitor and starts chewing Quatre out.)  
  
Trowa: You DID NOT just blow up another colony!?!   
  
Quatre: (Sheepishly shrugs) Oops?  
  
*****  
  
(We can see mobs of blood-sucking media hounds coming for Heero, wanting to get all up into his business.)  
  
Reporter: Mr. Heero Yuy, now that you saved the world, earned the respect of millions, and won the affection of the Queen of the World, what are you going to do next?  
  
(For a moment he's in deep thought, leaving the world to hold their breath for his answer . . .)  
  
Heero: (Yells in the cameras) I'M GOING TO DISNEY LAND!  
  
*****  
  
(We can see that Lady Une and Mister Treize in deep conversation . . .)  
  
Une: (Wondering like Pinky) So what are we gonna do tonight, Mister Treize?"  
  
Treize: (In maniacal tone, like Brain)   
Same thing we do every night, Lady . . . TRY TO TAKE OVER THE WORLD."  
  
*****  
  
Heero: (To Quatre) Well it looks like it's your turn to self-destruct.  
  
Quatre: But-but I'm too cute to die!  
  
(Heero merely rolls his eyes.)  
  
*****  
  
(We all have nightmares. We really do, but do you wonder about theirs . . .)   
Dream Sequences: The Dark Side  
  
In Relena's:   
  
(Heero walks up to Relena one day and shoves a piece of paper in her face. The ominous piece of paper: a restraining order.)   
  
Heero: Look, this says you can't come within 500 feet of me.  
  
(She drops to her knees and screams to the sky.)   
  
Relena: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!  
  
(She walks up in a cold sweat.)  
  
Relena: Don't let it be real, for the love of humanity, DON'T LET IT BEE REEAAAAALLL.   
  
In Wufei's:   
  
(He walks into a large convention center were there's a rally of some sorts going on . . .)  
  
Speaker: . . . And women, we will NOT be oppressed by these pigs called MEN any longer!  
We will show MAN that the WOMAN is strong enough for her own two feet. No staying at home bare-foot and pregnant, no aprons and baking cookies for us! Women's lib, women's lib!   
  
(Suddenly they here the wonder sound of Wufei's voice.)  
  
Wufei: You weak woman, get off the stage!!!  
  
(A hush falls across the room as the room turns to see him leaning against the wall.)  
  
Audience member: (Points at him) Oh my god, a MAN!  
  
Another one: A chauvinist I tell you, a CHAUVINIST!  
  
Third member: He's one of them!  
  
Speaker: (Jumps off the stage) Don't let him out alive sisters, GET HIM!   
  
(A mob of high heels, nails, and purses come for him, something tells him to run, but when he tries the doors they can't open . . . The realization hits him . . . He's trapped in a feminist convention.)   
  
(He jerks awake, cringing.)  
  
Wufei: (Clutches his teddy bear, whispering) Mommy . . .   
  
In Trowa's:  
  
(Quatre and Duo are talking at a random party somewhere.)  
  
Duo: So what happen to his job at the circus? I thought he was the best.  
  
Quatre: I don't know, something about the lions getting loose every night.   
  
Duo: He isn't late is he? I mean, he asked us to check out his new gig.   
  
Quatre: I don't think so . . .and wait, that could be him now.   
  
(A clown runs into the place, throwing confetti and doing back flips. It's Trowa, much to the amazement of his two friends, they didn't know it was some kid's birthday party.)  
  
Trowa: (Really hyped) H-E-Y KIDS!!!  
  
Kid: (Yelling back) Hey everybody, it's TROWA!   
  
Kids: YAY!!!!!!  
  
Trowa: IS EVERYBODY HAPPY?!? Who wants a hug?!?  
  
Kids: I DO! I DO!   
  
(The kids start running toward him in a stampede.)  
  
Duo: (Shocked, starting choking on punch) Oh . . .   
  
Quatre: (Equally shocked) . . . my . . .  
  
Duo & Quatre: . . . Godddddd . . .   
  
Trowa: (Jumps in front of their faces and hugs them tight) HEY, HEY, HEY!  
  
(Suddenly he wakes up screaming.)  
  
Trowa: AAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!  
  
In Duo's:  
  
(While dragging himself into the bathroom one morning, all groggy and sleep-eyed, Duo hits the lights. He suppresses a yawn and looks into the mirror, only to find . . .)  
  
Duo: (Eyes pop open.) There's nothing there . . .   
  
(His lovely braid, matter the fact all of his beautiful hair is gone, Duo is straight bald.)   
  
Duo: (Madly screaming) THERE'S NOTHING THERE!!!!   
  
(In the cut, we can see Hilde holidng a ginat bottle of nair in her hand, laughing evilly.)   
  
Hilde: Is there something missing love?  
BUWHAHAHAHAHA!  
  
(He screams)  
  
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!  
  
(He flies up in the bed, breathing heavily, feeling his head madly. Seeing that his lovely locks  
are all intact, he gives a sigh of relief.)   
  
Duo: It was just a dream.   
  
(Then with doubt.)   
  
(Nervously) Right?   
  
(No answer, getting scared by the minute.)   
  
(Searching for an answer) RIGHT?  
  
In Noin's   
  
(On a lovely beach somewhere, Noin and Zechz are walking. Her heart's all a flutter over being with him. Suddenly he stops and takes her hand.   
She can't speak cause she's glazing into his eyes.)  
  
Zechz: You know Lucrezia, I've been meaning to tell you something, something that I should said for a long time.   
  
Noin: (Leans in closer, in a sweet voice) Yes, Millardo?  
  
Zechz: (Passionately) But I can't stand it anything longer, you gotta know! I must tell you!  
  
Noin: (Leaning even more closer) Yes, Millardo? What is it?  
  
(And then she tells her the one thing she wanted to hear . . .)   
  
Zechz: Lucrezia, I'm gay.  
  
Noin: (Waking up in bed) WHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAATTTTTT?!?   
  
In Heero's  
  
(He's fighting the big, bad OZ solders one day when suddenly the sound of something breaking.)  
  
Heero: STOPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP!  
  
(Everybody stops fighting and shooting for the moment, wonder what the heck's up.)   
  
(Then suddenly it changes . . . His voice . . . . Into something we CAN'T even imagine.)   
  
Heero: Like, ohmigod, I just broke a nail. I JUST BROKE MY BEAUTIFUL NAIL!   
Do you have any idea how much a French manicure cost? My hair is a mess, that is so not CUTE, do you know how much it cost to get that type of stuff done!   
You guys are like sooooooo insensitive to MY needs, what about my needs!   
And . . ohmigod, I JUST LOST MY CONTACT!  
I need my CONTACT!  
  
(He has the voice . . . of a valley girl.)  
  
(Wakes up with a disgusted look on his face.)   
  
Heero: (Cringes) Oh god . . .  
  
***** 


	7. The Cue That is Seven

A Cue: And There Was Seven  
The Parody Don't Stop Here-wait a minute, yes it does.   
Really people, I'm running out of ideas. Who knows what else I might come up with if I come up with something.   
Enjoy . . . . If you dare.   
  
*****  
  
(In the aftermath of Lady Une's shooting . . .)   
  
OZ solder: Whoa . . . she's dead . . .   
  
(Suddenly everybody starts jumping up and down, and they're-singing?)  
  
OZ staff: Ding-dong the witch is, the witch is dead, the witch is dead, the witch is dead, ding-dong the wicked witch is dead . . .   
  
*****  
  
(What exactly does Zechz do at home when he stands in front of his mirror . . . ?)   
  
Zechz: (Very conceited tone) I'm beautiful, I'm beautiful . . .   
And vogue, and vogue, and vogue . . . strike a pose . . .   
  
*****  
  
One-liners that kinda say it all.  
  
Relena: Ugh! Heero is such a *punk*, I don't *why* I like him.  
  
***   
  
Wufei: I'm very much in touch with my *feminine* side.   
  
***   
  
Duo: You guys really need to be a little more *serious* about the situation.  
  
***  
  
Heero: You can take this mission and shove it!   
  
***  
  
Quatre: And they expect me to apologize . . . .  
  
***  
  
Trowa: Ohmigod, I said too much!   
  
***  
  
Trieze: Curses, foiled again.   
  
  
*****  
  
(After self-destructing, Trowa's laying on the ground trying to move.)  
  
Trowa: Umm, a lil' help . . . a lil' help please.  
  
*****  
  
(Lady Une comes to work looking very much out of sorts, setting fear into anyone within a mile of her.)   
  
Une: (Slams door) Look, I'm having a bad day and I have PMS: STAY away from me.  
  
Treize: Hey Lady, I need your help with . . .  
  
(Head starts doing those freaky 180-angle spins)  
  
Une: (Demonic voice) GET OUT.  
  
(Treize screams for dear life.)  
  
Une: (Suddenly back to normal) Hey, you scream like a girl. (Laughs her head off.)  
  
*****  
  
(The GW gang are going to save the world tonight as usual-or that's what they tell Katrina Nyle-so they dump the kids off with the cattish spy.)   
  
Relena: Now, now children, be good for your Auntie Katrina and we'll buy you all ice cream.   
  
(The kiddies-Helena Yuy, Han Chang, Katie Barton, Trio Maxwell, Lacy Peacecraft and Lawrence Winner-are all a buzz at the word 'ice cream.')  
  
Kids: Yay!   
  
Helena: Mission accepted.  
  
Trio: I want vanilla!  
  
Han: (Like his dad) Vanilla's for the weak. I want chocolate.   
  
Quatre: Listen to Auntie Kat. We'll be back . . .  
  
(The parents leave after giving hugs and kisses to the little ones and are forced to pay Kat up front.)   
  
Katrina: (Counting the cash) Heh-heh, money. (Straightens up) Don't worry, they'll be safe.   
Go have fun *saving the world*.   
  
(The gang walks outside pretending to be sad but as soon as they out of earshot.)  
  
Gang: (Kissing the ground) YES! WE'RE FREEEEEE!  
  
(Back at the Peacecraft Manor, as soon as the door closes those angelic faces turn evil.)  
  
Katrina: Okay, this should be easy. If I can escape death, I can babysit can't I?   
  
Trio: Come on let's play Cowboys & Indians with Auntie Kat!  
  
Lawrence: (Skeptical tone) I don't know guys, she wouldn't like that.  
  
Katie: (In a tiny voice) I wanna play.   
  
Han: Cowboys & Indians are for the weak . . . and girls can't play.  
  
Lacy: Oh really? Come on, the girls will be the Indians, and you males be the cowboys. You play Helena?  
  
Helena: (Like her dad) I will be the perfect Indian, I will eliminate all cowboys before me.  
  
Lacy: (confused) Umm, ok . . . Come on let's go find Auntie Kat!  
  
(The children rally the war cry and go after Katrina.)   
  
(Katrina is in the den looking for the kids who have disappeared for no reason.)  
  
Katrina: Kids! I got "Barney" videos and the "Lion King." Where arrrrrrrreeeeeeee youuuuu?  
(Under breath.) Darn brats, they're hiding. (Louder) Come out, come out, where ever you are!   
  
(Suddenly six small bodies attack her . . .)  
  
Katrina: AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!  
  
(Hours later, when the parents come back from "saving the world.")   
  
Sally: I hope the kids are ok.  
  
Dorothy: They must be in bed. See, I knew we could trust them with a babysitter.  
  
Wufei: Babysitting's for the weak . . . (Getting Sal's evil eye.)   
Course I'll never call *my* son that.  
  
(They unlock the door and walk in.)   
  
Quatre: Katrina? Kids? Katrrrrrinnna? Kiddddsss?   
  
Hilde: It's quiet.  
  
Heero: (Suspiciously) A little *too* quiet.  
  
(Suddenly the sound of feet moving is heard.   
The parents run to the den to find their children watching Barney-but no Katrina.   
They all look like perfect little angels.)   
  
Relena: Kids, where's Auntie Kat?  
  
Kids: (Innocently) We don't know.  
  
Catherine: What did *you do* to Auntie Kat?  
  
Kids: (Sweetly) *Nothing*.  
  
Heero: Find her.   
  
(After a long, exhaustive search they hear a whinnying sound, they throw the closet open to find.)  
  
Gang: Katrina?!?   
  
(Katrina is tied and gagged, trying furiously to get free.)   
  
Katrina: Mmmmmmmm, mmmmmmmm, mmmmmmmm!   
  
Hilde: Duo, take the freakin' gag off. (Smakcs him.)   
  
Duo: Ouch! Oh yeah! (Removes the gag.)   
  
Katrina: (Caching breath) Your children . . . are EVIL.   
  
Trowa: Shouldn't we untie her?  
  
Katrina: Hey, get me lose! I want $20 bucks extra for my pain and suffering!   
  
Heero: Nawwww . . . Maybe we should leave her. I figured she would end up like that someday.  
  
Gang: (Shrug) Ok.   
  
Katrina: What!!! No way, no freakin' way are you gonna leave here! Look what you demon spawn did to me!   
  
(They place the gag back over her mouth.)  
  
*****  
  
(The whole G-Gang-the pilots, the girls, Zechz, Noin, Une, and Treize are sitting around in an old style living room of some sorts, doing the old-spook-mansion-Clue-type deal. Then Relena runs with some startling accusation.)   
  
Relena: (Dramatic like point) Somebody in this room . . . (dramatic pause w/ music) is a murderer!  
  
(Everyone lets out a gasp.)  
  
Heero: (Intrigued by this notion, rubs chins.) R-e-a-l-l-y? I *never* knew that . . .   
  
Noin: (Confused) Umm, would've that be all of us?   
  
Group: (It's them like a ton of bricks) Oh yeah, that's right.  
  
Wufei: You baka! That's the *obvious.*   
  
Duo: (Sarcasticly) Yeah, Relena, take you pick.   
  
Catherine: (Smugly) Well *I* didn't kill anybody.   
  
(Duo suddenly starts bugging the hell out of her for being so innocence.)   
  
I SAID LEAVE ME ALONE!  
  
(Starts strangling him 'til he passes out. The boy doesn't move thereafter.)  
  
Trowa: He's-dead.   
  
Treize: (With a smile) Well, you just did now.  
  
*****  
  
You figure it would never happen, you told yourself 'no way', you thought it wouldn't be.   
But it did . . . .  
Gundam Springer . . . .  
The Highlights.   
  
(Audience began clapping as Jerry Springer graces the stage.)   
  
Jerry: Hello everyone and welcome to the Jerry springer.   
Today's show is called "I Have Something To Say." (Audience claps.)   
Our first guest is Relena Peacecraft whose here to tell us how great her boyfriend is. (Audience awws) So Relena, what about him?  
  
Relena: (With love in her eyes) Like ohmigod, he is the sweetest guy in the world.   
He gave me a teddy bear for my birthday. (Audience awws again)   
  
Jerry: Well, let's bring Heero out.  
  
(Audience claps as the Perfect Solder graces the stage and plants a kiss on her cheek.)  
  
Jerry: So Heero, anything you would like to say?  
  
Heero: (Turns to Relena, really suave) Girl, you know I love you . . .   
  
(Audiences awws yet once more.)   
  
Heero: (Then adds) But there's someone else. (Audiences oohs this time)  
  
Relena: (Shocked) WHAT?!?  
  
Jerry: Let's bring Heero's lover out.  
  
(The person who walks out of on the stage is no other than . . .)   
  
Relena: (Stunned stupid) Duo?!?   
  
[Side note: Sorry, non-yaoi people, it was a special case.]   
  
(And what else but a fight erupts on stage between Relena and Duo.   
Audience start chanting "Jerry, Jerry!" Steve comes out and separates them both.)  
  
Relena: (In tears, to Heero) Bastard! I can't believe you did this to me.   
  
Jerry: Well, Relena, you haven't been exactly honest with Heero. Let's bring out *your* lover.   
  
(And guess who walks out this time . . .)  
  
Duo: (His turn to be shocked.) Hilde?!? (Another fight occurs.)  
  
(As show progresses . . .)   
  
(Noin is on stage going off on stage while talking to Jerry..)   
  
Noin: You tell that *bitch* to stay away from my man. I don't care if she is fifteen.   
  
Jerry: Well let's bring Dorothy out on the show.   
  
(Dorothy comes out talking much trash, Noin throws her shoe at her thus fueling another fight.)   
  
(After the women are separated, Jerry brings out Zechz who instantly. Starts denying it.)   
  
Zechz: I never sleep with that girl a day in my life.   
  
Dorothy: Whatever honey. You left your mask at my house! (Audience oohs.)   
  
Jerry: Well, the paternity test here clearly states that you are the father of her child.   
  
Zechz: What! No way, it's not mine-it's her boyfriend's!  
  
Noin: You slept with that whore!  
  
Zechz: (Making excuses) Umm . . well . . . we were apart!. . .I was drunk!  
  
Jerry: Let's bring out Dorothy's boyfriend Quatre- (corrects self) no wait, let's bring out Huggy Bear.   
  
(Quatre a.k.a Huggy Bear walks out with two prostitutes on his arms, wearing the appropriate "pimp wear"-fur coat, sunglasses, gold teeth, alligator shoes, rings on all fingers.)   
  
Quatre: Where all my hoes at?   
  
(In the second half of the hour . . .)  
  
Catherine: Well-umm-I found out this yesterday but we're related. You're my brother.   
  
(Oohs from audience)  
  
Trowa; (Freaked out) I'VE BEEN SLEEPING WITH MY SISTER!?!   
  
(Audience oohs.)   
  
(Later on . . .)   
  
Sally: I'm here to tell my man to stop being so dominant in our relationship.He needs to be a little more *sensitive* to women.   
  
Jerry: Well let's bring out Wufei!   
  
Wufei: ("I'm Every Woman" starts playing when he walks out in a dress, wearing make-up, a wig, and sporting two-inch high stiletto heels.   
He's even got a womanly twist.) Girl, I beat you there.  
  
Sally: WHAT THE-?  
  
Wufei: Oh yes, honey, I've turned over more than a new leaf.   
  
Sally: (Crying) I don't even know you anymore!  
  
(To the audience segment.)  
  
Katrina: (Takes the mic so she can speak her mind) Let me hold this for a second Jerry. To the first four, the two of you don't e-v-e-n deserve each other. To that Zechz guy, you belong in jail perv with that pipm wanna! To the guy in the middle, that's just sick.   
And you *freak* (points to Wufei) you just need help.  
  
Wufei: (Snaps fingers) Oh no you didn't honey. Don't make me take off my earrings.   
  
(Katrina rushes the stage and a cat fight between the black girl and Chinese boy-umm girl starts, she goes for the wig.   
Suddenly everyone else jumps in too! Heero's hurling chairs at Hilde, more shoes are exchange between Noin and Dorothy, and there's hair-pulling between Duo and Zechz.)   
  
Jerry: (In final word mode) As you can America, these poor misguided-  
  
(Out of nowhere Sally takes a chair and goes across Jerry's back.)   
  
Jerry: (in pain.) Security! Steve, get your ass here now!  
  
(Heero whips out a beam canon from nowhere.)   
  
Jeery: Who bought that weapon on stage!?!  
  
(Show ends with the wild-n-crazy audience chanting "Jerry! Jerry! Jerry!"  
  
*****  



	8. Cue Eight TV Land

  
A Cue Shorty 8: TV Land.   
  
This may suck-but hey, it's worth it.  
  
*****  
  
Recuse 911:  
  
(Duo and Heero are two paramedics rushing to the scene of a call as the bystanders sit there watching this daring rescue . . . or so it's suppose to be.)  
  
Relena: (As bystander) Umm guys, you're like, suppose to be operating or something.  
  
Duo: Aww, but it's so fun to watch him bleed to death!   
  
Heero: (Messing around with the med equipment.) Hmm, what does this do?   
  
Victim: HEY! CAN SOMEBODY HELP ME?!? These incomplete jackassses-!   
  
(Heero takes out a gun and shoots him. He's meet with an unfriendly glare from Relena.)   
  
Heero: So he was talking too much.   
  
Duo: You never did that to me.  
  
Heero: (Thoughtfully) Oh yeahhh. (Shoots Duo.) Thanks for reminding me.  
  
Relena: (Backing up in fear.) I am walking away slowly.   
  
*****  
Two Skinny People:  
  
Trowa: (A bright, happy-scary-side) Hi I'm Trowa!  
  
Catherine: And I'm Catherine!  
  
Both: And this is "Two Skinny People!"   
  
Catherine: And today we're going to show you how to make lobster!  
  
Trowa: Wouldn't that be spiffy! . . . (Thinking.) Oh god, did I just say?   
  
(While preparing the lobster.)   
  
Catherine: And we cut the lobster like so . . . (Throws knife but misses the lobster completely.)   
Umm, ok, that wasn't suppose to happen.  
  
(A loud, hair-raising scream is heard off-stage.)  
  
Trowa: GAH! THAT WAS MY OTHER FREAKIN' EYE! (Read Cue Six to get it.)   
  
Catherine: Oops. Sorry! Run a little water over it!  
  
(Trowa runs back on the set with a very large butcher knife in his unibang.)  
  
What the (beep!) is your (beep!)ing problem?!?   
  
Catherine: Look you, I can have your (beep!) taking out of the contract buddy!  
  
(Duo, with the prepared lobster in hand, walks across the stage and interrupts the argument.)   
  
Duo: Hey, this stuff is good. (Inhales most of the lobster.) Got any butter?  
  
(They just glare at him . . . and glare . . . and glare some more.)  
  
Duo: (Feeling very unwelcome) Ok, you two finish chatting, I'll find it.   
  
(The show closes with this verbal argument still going.)  
  
Survivor-G Edition:   
  
Ms. J: (Theme music kicks in, Ms. J-my lovely self-is seen walking on a lovely beach in the South Pacific opening the show . . .) Sixteen people trapped on one island for sixteen days going after one million dollar prize, who will be the ultimate survivor? (Music stops) Let's check in on their progress.   
  
Day 1   
  
(We see the gang-: The fab five, their five ladies, Zechz & Noin, Treize & Une, and Katrina Nyle and Dylan Thorton (From Bk series.)sitting all together on a remote tropical isle around a fire.)   
  
Noin: So the whole point of this game is to see who can live the longest on this island without being tied to a palm tree?  
  
Heero: (Grunts) Yeah.   
  
Wufei: This sound be easy, any whose not a weakling can survive this.   
  
Hilde: (Doubtful) Surreeeeeee . . . righhtttttttttt.   
  
Quatre: Look guys, we can do this. Just remember, there's a million dollars in this for us.   
  
Dylan: Yeah but no food, no running water, no . . .  
  
Duo: (At the sound of 'no food', panics.) No food?!?  
  
Katrina: Eh-yeah, Maximilian, did you not read the contact?   
  
(Duo runs to the water and starts swimming as fast as he can.) COMME BACCCCKKKK!   
LET ME OFFFFF! I WANTTTT OUTTTT.  
  
Day 3   
  
(The sixteen peeps are hiking through the jungle in search of food, water, hut-making material.)   
  
Sally: (Trying to motivate) Come on guys, just a little more . . .   
  
Dorothy: I just love this fight for survival! The fresh air, the beach water, the battling animals . . .   
  
Catherine: Taking your pretty little head *off* . . . Damn cheery people.   
  
Relena: (Whining for the hundredth time) I'm soooooooo hungry.  
  
Duo: Will somebody please shut the Queen of the World up?  
  
Relena: Can it God of Death!   
  
(Duo mumbles a really unkind word under his breath about Relena.)  
  
Relena: (Ghetto style, does neck roll) Oh no you didn't, don't make me take off my earrings.   
  
Duo: (Jumps in her face) Bring it on!   
  
(The Queen of the World socks The God of Death in the eye thus creating a major brawl.)   
  
Trowa: (To Wufei) Five bucks says she wins.   
  
Wufei: What! By a woman? You're on!   
  
Dorothy: Yeah, kick his ass girlfriend!  
  
All: (Chanting) Fight! Fight! Fight!   
  
Day 5   
  
(A rather loud scream is heard through the camp. Noin, Une, and Hilde run out on the beach where the others are helping make their camps.)   
  
Une: It's gone!   
  
Hilde: Someone ate it all!   
  
Noin: Where did all the food go?!  
  
(All eyes turn to Duo.)  
  
Duo: What?  
  
(Their eyes narrow)   
  
Duo: What!?!  
  
Katrina: (Breaking words down) You. Did not. Eat. All. The food.  
  
Duo: I-I-I only had a snack.  
  
(She screams in a mad fit.)  
  
Dylan: (Rolling up sleeves.) I say we take him. (The group attacks him.)  
  
Day 7   
  
(Zechz, who's hunting for food, sees a rather large rat that will make good eating for the night.)   
  
Zechz: Fooooddddd. (Starts salivating.)  
  
(The rat realized he's prey and attacks Zechz . . .)  
  
Zechz: Come on rodent! You can fight can't you?!?   
  
(The battle between the rat-eating-man and the man-biting-rat ensues.)   
  
Day 9  
  
Trowa: Umm, guys, now would be a good time to mention that there's no drinking water.  
  
(Panic arises.)   
  
Dylan: Somebody took the water!   
  
Dorothy: What mindless, blood-sucking leech would do that!?!  
  
(Quatre walks out looking clean-cause he's the only clean in the bunch.)   
  
Catherine: (Joking) Quatre, buddy, you didn't just bathe in our water supply . . .   
  
Quatre: (Drawing blanks) Water supply . . .?  
  
Relena: Yes, Quatre, that was our water supply, the ones that would only last for three days!  
  
Quatre: OH! That's what that sign was for! (Six pairs of angry eyes meets Quatre.) Oops.   
  
(The group tackle as they tie him up to a palm three.)  
  
Quatre: I won't forget this day, mark my words I won't forget this!   
  
(He does that cool evil, pycho laughter bit.)   
  
Heero: (Bored) Yeah, yeah, been there, done that. (Gags him.)   
  
Day 11  
  
(By now most of the groups is looking wild-eyed and crazy, not trusting anyone. Duo, Quatre, Relena, Dylan, Noin, Catherine, Wufei, and Une are tied to palm trees. The remaining 'sane' people: Hilde, Dorothy, Heero, Katrina, Zechz, Sally, Treize, and Trowa. They're watching each other around the fire rather suspiciously. )   
  
Dorothy: So.  
  
Hilde: (With emphasis) Soooooo  
  
Heero: (Grunts) So.  
  
Treize: (Paranoid like) Yessssss, sooooo . . .  
  
Sally: I smell something. (Everybody starting checking their underarms.) Not that! Food!   
  
(Their eyes light up. Suddenly a noise is heard from Trowa's side like someone hiding something.)  
  
Heero: (Snooping) Trowa, what's take sound coming from by you?   
  
Trowa: (Hoping his quiet nature will play it off.) Sound. . .?   
  
Katrina: Skinny Boy's hoarding food!   
  
Trowa: (Panics) No, no it's not true tell you!  
  
(Suddenly, a bag of potato chips, two candy bars, berries, a Coke, and a pack of ketchup falls from his pockets.) Oops.   
  
Zechz: Get him!  
  
(Trowa does one of his cool back flips and lands in a tree. They can't get to get him so he's laughing at him.)  
  
Trowa: (Like Nelson off the 'Simpsons.') Ha-ha!   
  
(The branch snaps under his weight-what weight I don't know-they he falls right into the circle of them.)  
  
Trowa: Aww man!   
  
(They promptly string him up.)  
  
Dorothy: (Happy to everyone chasing each other again) Oh the beauty of it all!  
  
Treize: Will somebody shut the freak show up!  
  
Dorothy: (Offended) Freak show!?!   
  
(Takes her sphere and goes to work on him.)   
  
Day 13  
  
(The now party of five-Trowa, Dorothy, and Treize are currently on the trees-need Katrina and Hilde out to look for any fire making material. Hilde finds leaves but Katrina knows what kind they are.  
  
Katrina: Umm, Hill, I don't think we should get those leaves.   
  
Hilde: Shove it Nyle! We want leaves and we got them.  
  
Katrina: I was going to say it's poison ivy.   
  
Hilde: (Jumps up in mad fit.) AHHHHHHHH!  
  
(Hilde is itching in every place imaginable leaving Kat to fall into a fit of laughter.)  
  
Hilde: (Wickedly) On so now YOU WANT SOME.  
  
(Wrestles Katrina into the whole patch.)   
  
Katrina: GAHHHHHH! WHAT WAS THAT FOR!?!  
  
Hilde: That was laughing and that was for Duo!  
  
Katrina: (Snaps fingers) Honey, I had him before you did.   
  
(The remaining three members stumble upon the struggle that follows.)   
  
Sally: (Outdone.) Oh God . . .  
  
Zechz: (Chanting) Cat fight. Cat fight. (Receives bored look from others.)You didn't hear that.   
  
Day 15   
  
(It's down to Heero and Sally, who are watching each other intensely, waiting for one of them mess up at the fire. A single morsel of food sits between them. Whoever gets it wins the game while the loser gets a palm tree.)  
  
(They regard each other)  
  
Heero: (Coldly) Sally.   
  
Sally: (Just as cold) Heero.   
  
(A thirty-minute staring match is in effect.)   
  
Heero: (Deciding to get the best of her, faking fear.) OMIGOD! WHAT'S THAT!?!  
  
Sally : (Looks around) What-? (Turns head.)   
  
(He snatches it and pops it in his mouth.)  
  
Heero: YESSS! I'M THE ULTIMATE SURVIVOR! I'M THE ULTIMATE SURVIVOR!   
I'M THE ULTIMATE-  
  
Sally: (Pulling out a rather large stick) Survive this!  
  
Heero: Aieeeeeeeeeeeee!   
  
(She chases Heero down the beach swinging.)   
  
(The host comes back on the beach.)   
  
Ms. J: Well, there you have it. We see that there was no ultimate survivor. NONE of them could survive the island and all manage to lose somehow, therefore no one gets he cash. Turn in next time to witness the Sailor Scouts and the Ronin Warriors go through similar fates next time on Survivor.   
  
(As Ms J walks off the set, she's met by the group on the other side of the beach.)  
  
Ms. J: What's up people? Enjoy the show?   
  
Sally: (Appalled) You call THAT enjoyment.  
  
Relena: (Peeved.) You lured us to a deserted island to watch us suffer for you're sick entertainment!   
  
Trowa; None of us got paid . . .  
  
Heero: Where's our money baka?!?  
  
Ms. J: Hey I'm not at liberty to give you jack.  
  
Quatre: You mean we stayed here for nothing!   
  
Katrina: I know you now! You're the one that's been screwing with our lives!   
She wrote that Jerry Springer skit!   
  
All: What!  
  
Wufei: (Disgusted) I wore an apron because of this woman!   
  
Ms. J: (Thinking) He-he, that was pretty funny . . .  
  
Ms. J: I don't have to listen to this!   
  
Dylan: (Rolling up sleeves. ) I say we take her.   
  
(Suddenly torches appear out of nowhere.)  
  
Ms. J (Scared) Hey, hey! What the heck is this?!?   
  
(They began to chase her.)  
  
Ms. J : AAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH! 


End file.
